Change

Sometimes change feels good.  Sometimes it feels bad.  Almost always it is hard.

I feel a wind of change blowing into my life recently.  And amazingly as the sun is shining outside my windows and my boys are playing almost quietly a few feet away the idea of this change feels so positive, so happy, so good, so God.

I just feel like things are going to be different but it's a good different.  It's a scary and intimidating thing for me, these changes, but ultimately I see good and I see God's hands on my life.

Do you ever just feel like you're on the cusp of something but have no real good way to put it into words?  That's where I am.  On the cusp.

We had a major change recently.  Our car died.  As in forever.  It was a 98 and the poor thing had done it's job mostly well for the past 7.5yrs for us.  We were sad to see it go, it was our first vehicle as a married couple, it carried us back and forth between MI and RI several times and has taken KOJ to work since he got his job.  But one fateful evening it decided not to bring him home.  Ever again.

The thing is though that we're not at a place where we can replace it.  So that is a HUGE change.  It means that KOJ takes our van to work and back now and the children and I are mostly home bound.  It brought about the opportunity to be upset and anxious or to count our blessings.  I've done both in the last few weeks.  I'm not perfect.  I have my concerns.  Being with only one vehicle makes me feel super vulnerable because it means if it breaks down KOJ has no extra vehicle to get him to work.  It means that the kids and I can't go do field trips during the week.

But the blessings are that it broke down about three weeks before the tags were due for renewal and saved us 80.00 in doing so.  We were able to remove it from our insurance saving us a decent chunk a month that can now be put towards the extra cost of the lesser fuel efficient van.  It wasn't the vehicle that fits our whole family that died!  That in itself is a huge blessing.  And it's causing me to think outside the box about things.  I can't go to a co-op, I can't do field trips, I can't go visit my sisters for play dates.  But I can walk with the kids to the library story time because we only live about .5 mile from the library.  I can invite people to join us for play dates in our home.  I can open myself up and the car dying can become a good change for our family.

And so today change is something that seems good.