So they always told me that once you have three adding more is really nothing. I believed them. My third was a doozy. He has these big doe eyes and insatiable charm. Even at 5yrs old that kid could sell beachfront property in Arizona to anybody.
And so we believed them and added that fourth. Boy is she sweet until she's not. And when she's not she's really just comical. She just has these emotions that just course from the top of her head to the tips of her tiny stomping toes and the facial expressions that say she's ALL IN whatever she's feeling at the moment. And then, THEN, I was like eh, what's one more? Ha. And that little four month old has just completely stolen my heart.
I read this blog post the other day. The point of the post was finding meaningful ways to communicate with our husbands and other people that we are in relationships with - friends, parents, siblings, children. But what I saw at the start of the post was the perfect capture of all the mixed emotions a mother has on a daily basis.
My arms are tired because this baby is heavy and I'm tired of holding her. She's finally happy in the swing and I miss her so much I go pick her up. All in the space of thirty minutes. And this, this is motherhood. We're not complaining, we're really not. I wouldn't trade that heavy baby for all the world - it means she is growing which was a genuine concern at her start. I wouldn't trade that content baby for anything in the world because with her contentedness comes the worlds most unbearably cute smile and the most infectious laugh ever.
To those who have three considering a fourth I would say this: They're wrong. Adding more after the third does matter. It does make a difference. It is SOMETHING! It can have it's hard moments. Sure you're already outnumbered at 3 but adding a fourth or fifth certainly doesn't make you less outnumbered it makes you more. Have I ever posted about what little trouble makers my two S' are together? Oh my.
But I would also say this: DO IT! Each one is such a blessing. They are their own unique blessing. And the more I have the more I have to depend on God because really my human strength failed somewhere around the 36th hour of labor with the first one. And it is a gift. The deeper need for God is the gift that each child has given me.