The season is well... spring supposedly but that isn't the season I'm talking about.
This season of my life is very challenging for me. Those that have gone before me have bestowed their wisdom on me in phrases such as "Enjoy it because you'll miss it" and "One day you'll wonder where your babies have gone." and while I get it and I do appreciate their wisdom and encouragement I just want to kick and scream and throw a tantrum that could be likened to that of my two year old Spider monkey.
I don't know that it's specifically the ages of my children so much as the fact that I had my children so close in age means that I've been stuck in the same ages/season for going on 5.5yrs! It's like the season that never ends and it goes on and on my friends. And I'm so worn out. I'm so tired. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally.
Trying to find the balance between playing with and caring for the kids, cleaning the house, doing things outside the home - such as field trips, playdates, shopping etc, and trying to find the time to refresh and renew my own spirit has been a challenge. The balance has thus far eluded me in this role I took on 5yrs ago of mother, wife, teacher, home maker. I don't resent it, (most of the time), I'm just weary.
I'm weary of the two year old who is in the throws of the tortuous threes courtesy of the example his three year old brother sets for him and his ever growing need to emulate his brothers. I'm weary of the whining involved with trying to get the kids to help clean up around the house. Weary of the bedtime battles and water messes that go with bath time. Weary of feeling like I'm doing one child a disservice when I can't meet a need or want immediately because I'm in the middle of dealing with another child's want or need.
But today, today I'm thankful. I'm thankful that the kids don't seem to care or notice that the living room floor is covered with what used to be a pile of coupon papers meant for the recycle bin, they don't care that I haven't had time to unload, reload, and run the dishwasher and so they are using "adult" bowls and "silver" ware for breakfast and eating sandwiches that require no dishes for lunch on a regular basis. I'm thankful that they prefer to live in their pj's on days we don't leave the house and save me untold amounts of laundry to wash. I'm thankful that Squirrel is learning to play cooperatively (if reluctantly so at times) with other children at the water table at the kids museum. I'm thankful that Howler's favorite thing about the museum today other than the store part was me taking time to sit in the giant pretend truck while he "drove" us around. I'm thankful that Spider monkey made it out of the museum alive and without harming any other children. I'm thankful that they all left the museum without one bit of whining, and with complete cooperation. I'm so very thankful for the times they say or do something completely wacky and make me laugh or smile despite myself! I'm thankful that my baby girl can still be soothed to sleep in my arms, that my big boy Spider still needs my hugs and snuggles, that my precious Howler is at an age where spending time doing something simple with me is the highlight of his day, and that my Squirrel monkey is so smart and understanding and helpful - I really couldn't have been blessed with a better oldest child.
And so while I am weary and while I look forward to this season ending I can also see the wisdom of the mom's who have gone before me. I can see that I will miss these days when the innocent smiles on not so innocent faces have the ability to make me laugh. And so I will do my best despite my weariness to embrace these moments with my babies and while I will still strive to at least keep up with the laundry and the dishes I'm going to give myself a break about the rest of it and make the most of the remaining portion of this season. It's not going to last all that much longer.